When I was asked to write this article I laughed and thought, "What a triggering piece that would be." Then I spoke to a friend about it and she wisely said, “Your feelings are your feelings and they will be there whether you decide to process them or not”. So harsh, but so true. So here is my feeble attempt to do just that.
🌼 PRE-PANDEMIC 🌼
2020. What an exciting year this was going to be for our sweet little family! As the new year rolled in we announced that our family would be expanding in July and had begun the process of getting ready to put our house on the market. I will spare you the details of chaos surrounding such an endeavor with an on-the-go 14-month-old, a surprise one-month deployment for my husband. (Plus, morning sickness and pelvic floor pain that went well into the second trimester.)
Regardless, by mid-March, everything began to fall into place. We were in the new house, and Millie, my daughter, was down to one nap and day which allowed us to establish a daily routine of getting out of the house. Every day by 9 am, we loaded up the car and off we went! We had music class at Naptown Sings and Plays, a gym class at MyGym or Thrive, or a MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) meeting.
We had a schedule. We had a routine. I felt like I was really doing “it all” as a mama. We had hit our stride!
Then, March 15th happened, and my world shutdown. Surely this would all blow over soon, right? Everything will only be closed for two weeks. Quickly I began to realize this was not the case.
🤰 PREGNANCY DURING A PANDEMIC 🤰
My OB appointments became a solo adventure. (I use the word "adventure" because it was the only time I left the house aside from walking the dog for months.) It was all a little surreal and a little scary. I would arrive to my OB's office and wait in my car for them to call me. Then I'd put my mask on and someone would unlock the front door of the office. (Yes, you read that right. They locked us out and allowed just one patient in at a time.) They'd escort me straight back to the exam room. Once there, my OB would come in and begin talking and asking questions... but you could only see their eyes.
Everything else was covered from head to toe and all personal connection was lost.
As March turned into April and April turned into May and then June, it was hard not to mourn the “loss” of this season of life. I had a bucket list of all the places I wanted to take Millie before the baby arrived. I wanted to soak in as many experiences as possible with her. Now that she was walking and talking, it was supposed to be such a wonderful time to see the world through her eyes. I had a lot of feelings during this time: sadness, worry, exhaustion, anger, apathy. You name it, I felt it. Making sure she was learning and growing is a lot of pressure, especially when our resources and activities moved online. Zoom meetings, the new buzz word of 2020. It was just such a huge learning curve, especially for a now-18-month-old.
As July rolled around, I began to accept that this was just my new normal. So many things had been canceled including, but not limited to, a girls weekend getaway to Charleston with my college bestie, our wedding anniversary, our baby sprinkle, and our babymoon, just to name a few. Now it was time to focus on the delivery.
👶 DELIVERY DURING A PANDEMIC 👶
The house was ready, the meals were prepped, Millie was excited about her little sister’s arrival. Through a series of events, I ended up being induced at 37 weeks. It was very strange to walk into the hospital, masked, fingers crossed that the COVID test I’d have to take would come back negative. The test itself was uncomfortable and the results would take 4-6 hours to come back. A lot can happen in that time. I labored for a few hours with the mask and even made it through the epidural with it on. But once the back labor began that thing needed to go. Luckily, by that time, my results came back negative and I breathed a sigh of relief. My baby and I were safe and healthy. Baby Girl Cooper arrived and we got settled and moved on to the recovery floor. We only spent 24 hrs there and left as soon as we were medically cleared. Under normal circumstances, we would have stayed for at least another day.
Everything was rushed. Everything was formal and to the point.
With our first, there had been a light-heartedness when the nurses were in the room. Stories, tips, and tricks were exchanged. Sometimes they lingered if nothing more then for them to hold our baby and get in some snuggles of their own. It was definitely a different time then than it is now.
👨👨👧👧 POSTPARTUM DURING A PANDEMIC 👨👨👧👧
Postpartum has also been quite different from my first. While some aspects are easier because it's my second time around, others have been harder because life is more isolated.
I worry if someone comes to visit, they could be asymptomatic or maybe even not sick "yet" if they were recently exposed.
Furthermore, it's the middle of summer in Maryland, and getting outside in this heat can be hard and downright unsafe for a newborn. It's a crazy world and we are all trying our best to navigate our feelings and emotions, safety and well being, and assessing the risks with every outing outside of our home.
💭 FINAL THOUGHTS ON PREGNANCY, DELIVERY, AND POSTPARTUM DURING A PANDEMIC 💭
It all sounds tough but there are a few positives I’ve gained during this time and I'd like to end on a happier note. We are able to spend more time as a family unit than we ever have before and most likely ever will. I have gotten to learn who my toddler really is and what I can do to meet her needs daily. My husband and I also learned a lot about ourselves and each other during this time. We learned how to deal with stress, how we each cope with life differently, and what basic needs we have in our daily lives. I say this to show that 2020 hasn't been all bad. We have a new home, two beautiful daughters, and we are healthy enough to complain about how things “used to be."
Humanity has always been resilient and I for one plan on continuing in that fashion.
