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Having Kids Has Killed My Brain Cells

A Series of Unfortunate Events from a Mom Trying to Take a Break

By Jennifer Ward, Macaroni Kid Annapolis January 19, 2017

Having kids has killed my brain cells.  True story.  I have an almost 5-year-old and a 2 year-old.  Before them, I was so, very organized.  Nothing got by me.  Now, it’s a whole new ballgame.  Let me give you an example from this past weekend. 

My best friend and I planned a birthday get-together 6 months ago.  Our birthdays are in January, three days apart.  I’m slightly embarrassed to admit that I have never been away from my kids for more than 24 hours.  This trip was much needed.  I was excited and terrified all at the same time.  We planned on flying to Phoenix, Arizona for a long weekend and to run in the Rock-n-Roll Half Marathon. Before kids, I would never miss a training day.  Never miss a run.  After kids, well, the furthest I ran was 6 miles, but I was pushing 80 pounds worth of boys, so that counts as, like, 12 miles, right? 

The Deer Incident:  Saturday morning, I woke up at 3:45 am, got ready, kissed my husband goodbye and headed to the airport.  I felt GREAT!  Literally 2 minutes into my drive…crash!!!  What the heck just happened?  I really had no idea.  I pulled over and looked in the rear view mirror.  I saw a deer stand up and walk away.  I got out to look at the damage on the passenger side of my car.  For a split second, I thought I should go home to tell my husband what just happened.  Was this a sign that I should not take this trip?  Nope.  Some kamikaze deer was not going to spoil this trip.  I continued to the airport.  

The Earbuds Incident:  I haven’t flown in over 5 years.  I was on a 5 1/2 hour flight across the country.  Oh, yeah, they show movies on long flights.  I forgot my earbuds.  Guess I’ll just sit and try to lip read. 

The Starting Line Incident:  My BFF and I have run tons of half marathons together.  Tons.  We’re experts.  So, we show up to the starting line, take our typical starting line selfie to post on Facebook.  Soon after, we were approached by a guy who asked us if this was the start to the half marathon.  He pointed out that everyone around us were wearing red bibs (full marathon) and we were the only three in blue bibs (half marathon.)  In full confidence, we told him it absolutely was the starting line.  No doubt.  I’ve never been to a race with separate starts.  And we went on our merry way to find our corral.  After about 10 more minutes, we started to question ourselves, so we asked an official.  He tells us the Half start is in Tempe, not Phoenix  WHAT????  We race back to our car and head to Tempe.  By the time we get there and park the car, it is already 40 minutes past the start time.  It takes us another 10 minutes to find the starting line…and they are literally tearing it down.  We track down someone who looks official and ask what we should do.  His answer?  “Go! Run!!! NOW!!!”  So, we run.  For the first time in my life, I was in last place in a race.  It was horrible and hilarious all at the same time.  Surprisingly, it did not take us long to catch and pass people.  Phew!

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Random thought: Who is the unlucky dude who has to string Christmas lights on the cacti??

The Denny’s Incident:  After finishing the race, we were starving!  So, instead of staying to enjoy all of the post-race activities (like the free massage I won at the Expo, and the Toad the Wet Sprocket concert) we took off in search of food.  We decide Denny’s would be great.  It’s cheap.  It’s yummy.  And there are about 6 of them in the immediate area.  We plug the address into the GPS and take off.  It only takes a few minutes to find it.  Yay!  We walk in and find out that it’s a 20 minute wait.  I was good with that.  My friend vetoed waiting.  Back to the car we went.  We plug in the next closest Denny’s.  Guess how long it took us to get there?  Twenty minutes.  That’s not even the funniest part.  We ended up at the SAME Denny’s we just left!! 

The Other Earbuds Incident:  After we finally ate, we headed to Target so I could buy a swimsuit, because, of course, I forgot to pack one.  (And soaking in the hot tub was necessary at this point.)  In the dollar section, I noticed some earbuds for $5.  I grabbed them for my plane ride home.  I jokingly say to my friend, “Watch, these probably won’t work!”  Monday afternoon, I boarded my plane after waiting in the airport for 6 hours.  (Did I mention that my friend’s initial flight got cancelled, so they had to put her on a much earlier one?)  The crew starts the onboard movie and I happily plug in my brand new earbuds, only to find out….they don’t work.  So, there I was, again, reading lips for 5 hours.   

To some, this may sound like a horrible, failed weekend away.  In all honesty, we laughed through every mistake.  We adapted and moved forward.  That’s what we do, as moms.  We may have lost some brain cells, but we certainly kept (or even gained) a better sense of humor.  And, more importantly, we make it through the good, the bad, and the ugly with a positive, never-quit attitude.  (I hope the guy we sent to the wrong starting line feels the same way!)

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